Decentre Sex This Valentines Day And Focus On Intimacy

Valentines Day can be a great excuse to show your partner how much you care for them and want to get intimate with them. However, it also comes loaded with stereotypes around what the perfect Valentines should consist of. The cultural pressures of Valentine's Day can make you feel like you need to have penetrative sex or do things out of the ordinary all while focusing on orgasm because you're "supposed" to.

Of course, the occasion is a great excuse to have sex and be intimate with your partner, but taking the focus off orgasm and penetrative sex could be the key to the ideal evening for you and your partner. As a society we go along with the notion that most couples will have sex on Valentine's Day, wedding nights and birthdays.

However, cultural norms aren't always the sexiest things that make us want to get going. And just like any other day of the year, your libido may be lowered due hormones, fatigue or stress. Despite knowing this, it's still hard not to feel rejected in the bedroom when you get turned down on a day that is chalked up to be all about sex. 

So why not try out decentring sex and orgasm and focus on pleasure and intimacy? 

Focussing on intimacy can be things as small as talking about your day, to talking about your fantasies. One way to build out connection could be acts such as eye gazing. If you need some structure to your evening then using  Truth Or Dare cards can help guide you into sharing intimate confessions or trying something new together. 

Another way to focus more on intimacy and less on sex is to focus on touch. There are plenty of ways to focus on connection with physical touch. A great way to do this is to explore your erogenous zones. A fun and intimate way to explore them is to use accessories such as Massage Candles for a connection building massage session and also a great way to set the romantic atmosphere in the room. 

"Remember don't just go straight to the conventional genitals, experiment with all over the body, you'll learn new places you like to be touched". 

The Amour Bullet vibrator is also a great way to build up connection and lean away from expected penetrative sex or clitoral / penile / anal exploration. The fluttery tip lends a hand to the idea of massaging each other slowly and building up tension and connection. Remember don't just go straight to the conventional genitals, experiment with all over the body, you'll learn new places you like to be touched. 

Lingerie is usually portrayed in the media as a way for a female to show off her sexuality to her counterpart. Therefore, there is again an expectation around the idea of dressing up in lingerie for Valentine's and special occasions. However, the focus with lingerie should be about what makes you feel great. You should wear something for yourself first and then if you feel great your partner will pick up on your confidence and enjoy the show. What's important is feeling sexy and confident, lingerie or not. Whatever makes you feel most confident is what you should wear.

If you're not in a relationship but that doesn't mean you can't explore yourself sexually on Valentine's Day. Give yourself a solo masturbation session, treat yourself to your favorite dish or indulge in some erotica. Everyone deserves pleasure and not just on one day of the year.