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Breathing Power into your Sex Life

Last week we looked at the power of eye contact when engaging in sexual activity and how it an enhance levels of intimacy and pleasure. Another basic necessity to consider is your breathing.

In the early stages of your relationship, you may very likely have experienced moments when at the touch of your partner where your breath hitched, your heart rate sped up and the next thing you knew your breath caught up with your heart rate and came fast and heavy. The action of breathing is not just to supply your body with oxygen and experimenting with different ways can enhance your sex life. Heightening your experience, prolonging orgasms and even reaching the point of connection with your partner, where you synchronise and share the intensity in both the physical and spiritual dimensions.

Donna and Alan Brauer, authors of “Extended Sexual Orgasm” state that, “Breathing is a good way to work through resistance. Paying attention to breathing helps because it brings you back from thought to sensation, to your body. Breathing also helps because the breathing reflex is complex and many bodily systems involved in sexual arousal are hooked into it. Breathing produces relaxation by changing the state of the body’s autonomic nervous system. Relaxation reduces anxiety.” Breathwork and controlled breathing techniques are paramount in the fundamentals of basic tantra. E.B. Sarver blogger from The Personal Revolution summerises that: “Tantra and other Eastern systems utilise breath in a conscious and deliberate manner, and thereby transform the relationship of the practitioner to their energy.  By becoming conscious of the breath, and focusing intently upon it, the practitioner can move and/or regulate their energy.”

Most women breathe shallow and rapid during sexual activity and often hold their breath during an orgasm. Practicing your breathing consciously can help unlock heightened sensations, build the pleasurable tension and will intensify connection and orgasm. Alex Katehakis is a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Los Angeles. She has successfully helped the recovery of many sexually addicted individuals and assisted couples in revitalising their sex lives. To start she recommends to practice by yourself:

  • “Practice inhaling and exhaling, which will seem like separate activities at first. The more you relax and focus on breathing, the more it will flow in and out. Notice when your sensations heighten and where your tensions release.”
  • “Focus your energy on relaxing and opening your body. Breathe into your abdomen, relaxing the lower half of your core.”
  • “With each in-breath through your mouth, direct energy into your pelvic region or vaginal canal, then exhale through your nose. Continue this breathing during intercourse and stay with the sensations in your body.”


When you feel ready introduce this to your partner. Collen Oakley from Health Magazine suggests “Lie in bed facing each other and look into each other’s eyes. As you do this, become aware of your breath. Then, notice his breath. Now, try to synchronise your breathing so that the two of you are inhaling and exhaling together. This will be easier if you start by breathing more deeply than normal, so that he can see, hear, and feel your breaths. Have him do the same for you. Once you’re breathing as one, imagine yourselves melting into each other, not knowing where one of you ends and the other begins. “As you get more in tune with each other’s breath,” Adachi says, “you’ll actually feel each other’s arousal, creating a deeper physical and emotional connection.””

Take time to enjoy the moments this year, see how breathing can take your sex life to new levels.